Head Monster

I've learned a lot this week. These days I learn a lot about myself each week as I continue each day with this new lifestyle of eating and exercising.

This week though, it was all about head hunger (aka: emotional eating.) Here's the thing, they "fixed" my stomach... but my head, well... it's still messed up ;o)

This week I found myself craving food. Not just any food mind you. Junk food. Salty Food. Carbs. All the stuff that I can't have. Even fast food. (I have had no desire for anything fast food in over 2 months. The thought of the grease and fat makes me gag. Strange, huh?!)

But this week, I found myself getting wrapped up in life and forgetting to eat. Mind you-- I am not hungry, so I have to force myself to eat right now. Before surgery, my hardest time was at night and when I'm alone. Well that head monster reared it's ugly head this week. I found myself going to the refrigerator and just standing there, staring at it. Do you ever do that? ;o)

Yesterday was the worst. I stopped and got Richard some lunch. Truthfully, I stopped to get me some mashed potatoes (pre-surgery comfort food which I'm not suppose to have) and felt guilty so I rationalized it with 'I'm getting Rich lunch.'

With his sweet tea sitting beside me in the car... wasn't even thinking... took a HUGE gulp of it. Before I could even get the whole gulp down, I realized what I did. PANIC MODE!

Images of an hour long dumping syndrome started playing out in my head. What was I thinking?! Thankfully I did not have any side effects (this time), but it got my attention. I was eating (and drinking) out of pure emotions.

I cannot and will not fall back into these old habits. So for the next few weeks, I WILL tame this head monster. It will not defeat me!